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It should hurt but it doesnt

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10 years 6 months ago #1 by FrancesBeanMommy
FrancesBeanMommy replied the topic: Re:It should hurt but it doesnt
I am sooo proud of you sweets. It is hard to say goodbye, especially when you have loved and are pregnant with his child. I too went throuigh the same emotional abuse (no physical though, I'm so glad you got out of that) with my son's father. Although he never apologized and acted sorry like your son's biological father did, he always said he had nothing to be sorry for and made me feel like I caused all the problems and everything was my fault. And you are right, to the women out there dealing w/ relationships like ths, he won't change. You'll keep thinking that if you do this, if only YOU could be better for him, then he'll love you more. But it's NOT your fault!!! God loves you, and so does your family and they don't want to see you to continually be abused by such a cowardly man. Steph, you and I are raising the next generation of gentlemen, our sons will know what is right, and will act on it. We will raise them right, and all of you others out there will too, and the women of the future will not experience the heartache we have, because the men will be MEN, not children.

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10 years 6 months ago #2 by dawnielove
dawnielove replied the topic: Re:It should hurt but it doesnt
Good for you! Its never easy to come to terms with the sometimes-obvious fact that no matter how much we care about someone, the relationship isn't going to get healthy on its own or with only one side's efforts.

Having left an extremely unhealthy relationship, too, I empathize w/ where you are growing from.

My driving factor was my daughter, as well. I realized that just because *I* could survive in that environment, what was I teaching her? It was very likely she would grow up thinking that walking on eggshells all the time, constantly apologizing to keep the peace, and jumping ahead of his every step to be sure nothing might \"upset\" him was a NORMAL relationship. How was I going to feel when she was in a similarly abusive and degrading situation knowing I was the one who let her grow up thinking that was the way it was \"supposed\" to be?

Kudos to you for choosing to raise your son in an environment where he will know how to respect strong and independent women and for minimizing the chances he will continue what could have been an increasingly vicious cycle of abuse.

{cyberhugs}

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10 years 6 months ago #3 by telephonebox
telephonebox replied the topic: Re:It should hurt but it doesnt
Good on you for doing what's best for you and your baby.That guy is scum,and you don't need that in your life.Best of luck:)

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10 years 6 months ago #4 by my_promise_drake
my_promise_drake replied the topic: Re:It should hurt but it doesnt
Your soo strong I am proud of you.. I am glad your parents are being supportive!!!! Good LuCK with Labor!!!! And your Baby!!!
Love Alice

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10 years 6 months ago #5 by MissJLee
MissJLee replied the topic: Re:It should hurt but it doesnt
You be strong and you stay strong. It took you a few times to learn, but you did the right thing in the end. I am soooo proud of you, sweetheart!!! When it comes to the ex though, I have four words for ya:

COURT-ORDERED CHILD SUPPORT

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10 years 6 months ago #6 by Meg11
Meg11 replied the topic: Re:It should hurt but it doesnt
Well Steph I want to give you my condoloence and my congratulations as well.....I know how hard it is to leave a controlling and abusive guy...When I got back together with my daughters dad she was 3 weeks old...things were fine for a couple months...I went to church and got baptized one day and when I got home he told me I was not allowed to go to church or he would leave me...I wasnt even allowed to talk to my sister and we lived in the same house....I was confined to our bedroom with a queen sized bed, a playpen, a dresser and a nightstand....I raised my daughter in a bedroom for almost the first year of her life...once we moved (my sister told me she wanted to sell the house and move because she couldnt handle our relationship) he would go out drinking with his friends and I was not allowed to be on the phone because if he called for a ride home and it was busy then I was grilled to the bone about \"who I am cheating on him with\"...I was not allowed to talk to my dad on the internet through email because he would accuse me of flirting with guys.....I could harldy check my rearview mirrors and blind spots when I would be driving the car wihtout him accusing me of flirting with the person in the car nearest to us.....I was not a flirtatious kind of person so he really had no grounds to question me......I finally left him because I couldnt handle it anymore...I was not allowed to get out of bed in the morning to take care of my daughter unless he gave me permission.....I was sick of putting him before my daughter and my relationship with the Lord...and he was full of those empty promises also...he never paid the bills and I wasnt allowed to get a job....I understand so well what you mean when you say \"it should hurt but it doesnt\" You are going to be a great mommy and I will be praying that sometime down the road that the Lord will bring you the perfect man to be your husband and your sons daddy...just remember that he is the one with the hang ups not you....we all have our own issues there is no doubt about that but I hope and pray that you havent let his lies sink in to your mind....you and your son will be fine without him and the Lord will provide for your every need...just as He has done for me...Meg

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