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What will you do differently?

10 years 7 months ago #1 by luckydoll
luckydoll replied the topic: Re:What will you do differently?
I have given this so much thought, you wouldnt believe it. My son (that I had at 17) has just turned 13. How time flies. SO natually as his rebellious stages are getting close, I have reflected on this a bunch.

I was totally unsupervised. I lived with my single mother. She worked and the rest of the time was out with her boyfriends. SHe had me on an honor system, basically trusting me to make my own judgement calls. I sought approval through boys, and what got me approval with boys? why, sex of course. so, I guess to answer the question...

#1 - supervision.
NOT intrusive supervision. I don't want to send them screaming in the other direction. However, I want to be involved in my child's life. Know thier friends, accept thier friends, and provide a comfortable atmosphere for them to enjoy. I want to be aware of what they are going through emotionally and let them know that I am open to talk to about ANYTHING regardless of what it is, or if they think I would understand. They need to know that I do understand, and if I don't, they can help me to. My husband and I recently moved specifially to provide a better atmosphere for our children. One that provides a great place for friends and groups of people, lots to do, and lots of space. LOTS of teens int eh area. The kids and thier friends have voted our house as the offical place to be, and I like it that way.

#2 - self worth.
I sought approval in all the wrong places. It got me in lots of trouble. I work ;ike crazy to help my kids realize thier worth and that they are valid in this world, and they only need the approval of themselves and don't need to seek it within others with destructive behavior. I have been to lots of counseling and been involved in family support groups, and I have to say that the majority of people in trouble didnt have self worth and a sence of belonging in th family. I didn't either. I make sure my kids will know that they are valued here and that reagardless of their decisions, they are accepted and loved.

#3 - policy of honesty.
I found I did lots of decieving and sneaking around as a teenager. Kind of overlapping the other stuff I already wrote, I try to help them feel that they can come to me about anything and they wont be judged. We are dead-up honest with them as parents, and we hope that we have taught them that they can be the same with us. Sometimes I bite my tounge till it bleeds to not react to some of the stuff that they tell me, but if they are open, then I have the ability to help them through their problems. This goes along with strong convictions. Hopeflully I can teach them that it is OK to stand for what they believe in, even though it may not be the popular vote.

#4 Family time.
I had none growing up. I found my family other places. I always felt like the 3rd wheel. I was the only child with a dating single mom. I want my kids to know that they are part of something special, a support that when they fall, there is a safety net. They need to know that there is a place to go, that they have people in their corner. This was huge for me growing up. Right along with this is one on one time. I try to spend time with each of my kids individually. They each have differnt talents, and I let them explore tem individually. I have one football player, one english rider, one student of classical ballet, and one jazz dancer. I treat each one individually, and each one is special in this family thier own reasons. I have inside jokes with each one, traditions with each one, each child and I have our differnt favorite restaruants to go to just us two. I guess it all goes back to self-worth again. I want them to all feel that they are individual and special for who THEY are and they can be whatever THEY chose. Not what I think they should be or what the world thinks they should be.

Anyway, sorry to be so long winded. Can you tell I have thought this one through? LOL These issues just touch on what I would have needed different in my personal situation. I am sure that they don't apply to everyone, but I hope this can help someone.

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10 years 7 months ago #2 by penquinxing
penquinxing replied the topic: Re:What will you do differently?
My dad is an excellent dad. He lectures me every time I visit him on sex, money, college, etc. Basically everything I need to know about life. He'll tell me what he messed up on and share how I can do better.

The only problem is my parents divorced when I turned 11. Although my mom is an excellent mom, she is not as strict as my dad when it comes to boys. When I fell inlove with my boyfriend we started having sex with protection and wam bam i'm 8 weeks pregnant.

So the moral of the story is I would change the fact that my parents never got divorced and I wouldnt be in the situation I am now. Then again, I never would of met my boyfriend because my mom and I probably wouldnt of moved here.

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10 years 7 months ago #3 by anewangel89
anewangel89 replied the topic: Re:What will you do differently?
haha there is so much i will do diffrently with my baby which ever sex it is.... i know where my parents messed up my dad ignored me all of my child hood and my mom got so caught up in tryin to do good for me and my little brother she started forgetting the important things to growing kids my boyfriend well he is another story his mom was not a mother to him at all and his father was to busy tryin to find a wife to baby him and then left {m.e} as jhe was a very small child i will do everything in my power to make it easy for my baby to talk to me about everything

love jess<im new by the way>~17~

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10 years 7 months ago #4 by Babygurl801d
Babygurl801d replied the topic: Re:What will you do differently?
think about how you were raised and the things that you could do now differently. Do all that you can do for your daughter, and be by her side. remain a mom and stay away from becoming a friend... be strong hold your head up. and listen to your heart.. you can guide her but you cannot live her life remember that..

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10 years 7 months ago #5 by xxxjessxxxx
xxxjessxxxx replied the topic: Re:What will you do differently?
i always think bout this kind of thing! i kno i was definitely put under a lot of pressure growing up..i was always the clever one, the one who was guna get a degree and a well paying job. maybe it was cuz i was the oldest and the only one that ever showed an interest in my school work. but i think its cuz my parents didnt continue their education and wanted me to live wat they didnt do! but i saw this as people having too higher expectations of me and i guess when i met my bf i used him as a way of rebellin against my parents! i started talkin to him by text message thru a mate, and ended up travellin 80miles by myself to meet him without anyone knowing. which is a bit stupid but i wanted to prove that i could do something because I WANTED TO, not cuz my parents did. luckily, althougn i got in big trouble for it, it all worked out, anjd 3 years later me n my bf r happy wit our lil girl! but i kno id never push thea to do anything she didnt wana do, id never make her feel under pressure to do something in life, just cuz i never had the opportunity to do it!

luv ya all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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10 years 7 months ago #6 by kez_mummy_2_skye
kez_mummy_2_skye replied the topic: Re:What will you do differently?
Its the environment kids are exposed to now. Look at all those 'Bratz' dolls with their mini skirts and dressed up as little prostitutes.
I have a daughter and worry about boys,sex,drugs etc. I dont want her being any part of that and if u try to do the right thing by them they can always rebel against you which is even harder.
Hopefully its just a phase your daughter is going through and tell her she doesn't have to dress up a certain way to impress anyone.

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