Last summer I had been dating this guy who I really like and he really liked me. It had been an on and off relationship for around a year but at the begining of last summer was when it got really serious. We never spoke about having a baby or anything of that sort because I am only 19 years old and in the middle of doing my degree at university and we just wanted to enjoy our lives first. The summer had been great and we had had so much fun. However home life wasn’t going so great and I had some really bad things going on which was very stressful for me. I hadnt come on my period but assumed that it was just due to stress as this is what I had read about and we were using protection and I was on the pill and my periods are often irregular so thought pregnancy was out of the question.
When it came to going back to uni in October I started having to get up early in the morning to be sick so then I took a pregnancy. And of course it was positive. My heart sank and I had no idea what I was going to do or who to tell. I knew that I was in no position to have a baby, and my family would be so dissapointed with me but at the same time I knew that this was my fault and that I should face up to it.
The first person I told was my boyfriend. He knew what he wanted and that was to have an abortion. I wasnt so sure and spoke to my friends about it. They supported me and said they would be their for whatever decision I decided to make. That same week I went to the doctors I had no idea how far gone I was. When I got their they spoke about both options of abortion and keeping the baby. I went to the hospital the following day and found out I was 16weeks pregnant. I felt sick inside and didnt know what to do or anything. I spoke to my boyfriend and we discussed both options also. I knew deep down I couldnt keep it but at the same time the thought of abortion made me feel sick.
At 17weeks pregnant I had an abortion it was the most traumatic experience of my life. I never expected what I was going to go through and didnt realise how bad I would feel afterwards. It was the biggest regret of my life and I felt I never had any real advice. If I had read the stories on this page I wouldnt have gone through with it as all of these girls seem so strong. I would never be able to go through with this again in my life. The worst worry about keeping my baby was dissapointing my family but I wish I would have thought differently because even now I regret the decision 4months down the line and I know now that if I had kept it I would never had regretted it. I feel disgusted with what I have done and feel most upset now as this is the time around of when my baby would be due. I have been depressed every day since and havnt been able to talk about it to anybody because nobody I know understands what I went through.
I know it was my choice and I could have done things differently if I wanted to but I didnt realise I would feel like this back then. Even if I got pregnant tomorrow abortion would not even cross my mind, its too late for my first baby but if I could go back in time theres no doubt I would do things compltely differently.