child and mother

Hi All, my name is Katie, I am 20, married with 2 children. Here is my story.

I was at my friend’s house looking through her photo album, I came across a gorgeous lad and as soon as I saw him I was saying, “who is that, who is that, he’s gorgeous”. My friend told me his name was Dave and he was in her brother’s room. I couldn’t beleive what I was hearing. I went in and introduced myself and from then on we have been inseperable.

After 5 months of being together I felt really funny and knew something was wrong. We went for a walk to the local supermarket and got a pregnancy test. Both of us were petrified of the result. And of course, the result was positive!!

My parents are very strict and I knew they would disagree mainly because I was only 17 and had only known David for a short time. I called my mum to tell her and she was really disappointed with me but she is a strong Catholic and pleaded with me not to get rid of this baby. My mum told my dad and he demanded a meeting at his house. He told me I had to get rid of this baby and I was too  young etc. I was devastated because mum was telling me not to get rid of this baby and dad was telling me too….did nobody think that me and Dave both had minds of our own and could make our own decision.

After many rows later my mum ended up kicking me out and I went to live with my dad. My dad was still on about an abortion and was drumming it into my head. One night I woke up at 3am, I went into see dad and told him he was right and i should get rid of my baby. Deep down inside this is not what I wanted but I knew it would make dad happy and that was all I could think about. I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep. The next morning when i woke up I knew that an abortion was not what I wanted at all and so broke the news to dad and got on with enjoying my pregnancy with David.

When I was 8 months pregnant me and David went back to live with mum because we didn’t have a house and i wanted to be around my mum for support. On the 18th September 2004 my contractions started both myself and Dave were so excited timing the contractions and getting giddy coz the baby we made was about to appear. After two long days of labour I finally gave birth on the 20th Sept. 2004 to a gorgeous baby girl who we named Ellie.

She is the most precious thing to us and as soon as we saw her we fell in love. My dad absolutely adores her and takes back every bad word he had said. She was beautiful and looked the double of her dad which I am very proud of.

In December 2004, David and I tied the knot and got our own place….wow this was the best year of my life so far. 3 months later things took a turn for the worst and I was feeling all the same symptoms as I did when I found out I was pregnant with Ellie. Again, we took a test and I was pregnant… this was my worst nightmare and I couldn’t quite beleive it was happening to me. I was on the pill. Why me?

I hope you don’t judge me and critisise me for this but David and I both felt that the timing was wrong I would have two babies under 1. How were we going to cope?

On a Saturday morning I went for an abortion. “The experience was so horrible it was untrue.” I was 7 weeks pregnant and as they were putting me to sleep all I could do was cry and once the operation was over I woke up crying. I have never ever forgiven my self for what I did and I do not recommend this to anybody. It is something that will never ever go away, I will carry this guilt for the rest of my life. But things had to carry on, I had to put my feelings aside and get on with bringing up our beautiful baby girl and working so hard on our marriage.

I was back on the pill again and trying to move on when in June 2005 I found out I was pregnant AGAIN… yes, and again I was on the pill. The pill is not 100% effective so please think about that when having unprotected sex.

When Ellie was 1 and a half years old on 1st march 2006 I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen who we named Harry. I do beleive that things happend for a reason and I wouldn’t have Harry if I didn’t abort my second child. But that baby will never leave me and I hold a place for him/her in my heart that will never fade.

When Harry was 2 months old I got diagnosed with post natal depression which is so hard to deal with, I cut myself off from the world and my husband and argued all the time. I didn’t want to be here which sounds so selfish but I didn’t have control over the thoughts that were in my head. I was on a high dosage of anti-depressants and I was just sinking deeper and deeper into a depressed world where there was no light and no reason for getting up in the morning.

Everybody around me was so worried as usually I am a very bubbly person, full of confidence. One day it was as if somebody had come to my rescue. Something told me to get up and be the person I was before I had this depression.

I took myself off the anti-depressants without consulting my Dr. and told myself to fight this. It has ben so difficult but I am coming out the otherside. I believe it is in your head and you have to turn your negative thoughts into positives.

“I wake up in a morning and tell myself you can do this.. you can get through the day you are strong.”

Both me and my husband work full time and provide for our beautiful children, it is really hard work, the nursery fees are over £1000 a month. Me and David hardly every have time for ourselves, but this is what being a parent is all about. Our children are the love of our lives, they grow to fast and as soon as we know it they will be in school.

Getting married to David was the best thing in the world, he is my rock, my soul mate and my best friend. I don’t know where i would be without him.