red hair girlI was 13 when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and alone. The worse part was that there were two possible fathers. I had only been sexually active for about a month when I got pregnant. Neither one of the guys cared anything about the baby and I was called the harshest names in the book. My best friends suddenly wanted nothing to do with me. I was alone and felt betrayed.  Every one told me to have an abortion —  my dad, my friends, even my counselor.

I went to a crisis pregnancy center called Whispering Hope. They gave me the information I needed to make an informed decision and I decided that I was going to keep my baby. My mom was the only person who supported me. She had me when she was 17.

My pregnancy was a difficult one —  an emotional rollercoaster not to mention the physical complications. The stares and whispers made it worse to the point that I didn’t want to go out in public.  But I didn’t let it stop me.

I worked with Whispering Hope Crisis Pregnancy Center and spoke at fundraisers for them. I visited high schools in my area with their abstinence education program. I told my story to the teens my age and expressed how having premarital sex affected my life in a huge way. I also helped start a ‘teen mom’ and a ‘mom to be’ support group with the help of another teen mom and the center.

When I was 8 months pregnant I was watching a movie with my little brother when suddenly I felt like I was peeing on myself and I couldn’t stop. I saw the immediate terror on my younger brothers face. I stood up, looked down and I was gushing bright red blood.

I made my way to the bathroom to find a towel, blood dripping along the way. I called my mom and she asked me to lay there until the paramedics arrived. I laid down on the bathroom floor and started to cry.

“I was so scared. I had often questioned why me? Why did I have to get pregnant i was only 13? But at that moment all I could do was pray for my baby’s safety.”

 I called Joe  (my ex boyfriend and one of the possible fathers) since I didn’t know what else to do. I just needed something to calm me down and I needed someone to care. He told me to let him know if I was in labor and to call him back.

I guess I thought that if he knew what was happening then maybe he would care enough to be there for me. I was so scared, all I wanted was for my baby to be okay. Suddenly, he kicked and I knew that he was still alive and that there was hope.

We called 911 and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital. My mother was working so I was alone until she arrived at the hospital. The paramedic said that he thought it was just my water and I would be ok since the bleeding stopped. But I knew that wasn’t it — this was bright red blood not amniotic fluid.

At the hospital the doctors checked me and said that my cervix was completely closed and they didn’t know 100% what caused my bleeding but that it had stopped and the baby and I would be fine.

That was the scariest day of my life. And the best day of my life was in December, the day my son was born.

On the 27th, I went to the hospital to be induced. My due date was the 28th and my cervix was still ripe (I was not even close to having a baby — the cervix has to be “green” before it can begin to dilate and open). On the way, my mom, aunt, and uncle went to Applebees for, what I joked and called, “my last meal”.

I was too nervous to eat anything though… I arrived at the hospital things began to roll. They drew blood, hooked me up to a monitor, and gave me cervidil (sp. to softer my cervix). They put me on morphine for the pain. Needless to say, I fell asleep shortly after that and woke up periodically throughout the night for more tests.

The next morning they started me on petocin (to start contractions) and — I was in labor!  A few hours later, my water broke and after that the contractions came harder and faster, more and more painful.

I remember seeing all those movies where women who were in labor cussed and yelled so I tried my hardest to be as nice as I could be to everyone. I didn’t want to hurt anyones feelings.

My family was there, my mother was probably just as scared as I was. Overall, I was holding it together and feeling pretty strong. “When your in that situation you’re thinking —  “Okay, this is what I have to do, so lets do it and get it over with, there’s no turning back”.” And you just do it. You have to, there is no point in freaking out. It would just make it worse. 

My mom and the nurse could tell that I was in a lot of pain so we asked for something to take the edge off. They said they could go ahead and give me my epidural. I remember it feeling like a sharp wasp sting only worse… But soon after, it kicked in and the pain pretty much went away.

Justin and Witney then arrived (my boyfriend and his sister — baby Evans biological Dad and Aunt!). I wasn’t in any pain I was just scared and kind of out of it from all the meds. I remember how weird it was; Whitney who used to be my good friend was there while I was in labor but she was talking to me as if we were still in school just having a normal conversation. I suppose she couldn’t really relate to what I was going through. Her grandmother was filming the whole time.

I got everyone to leave the room for a minute so I could talk to Justin alone. At the time, he was my “boyfriend” and possibly Evan’s father and he always acted different when others were around. So I asked to talk to him alone. He was scared and didn’t know what to say to me. I just wanted him to hold me and comfort me but he couldn’t. I kept telling him that I was okay and wasn’t in any pain but all he kept saying was that he was sorry and that it was his fault I was going through this.

Not long after that the doctor told me that the baby was trying to come out face first so I needed to have a c-section. His neck was bending and it could break if i tried to have him vaginally. Not to mention — he was stuck. Yes, stuck!. His head was stuck in between my pelvic bones. “He had too big a head and I too little a body.”

My whole pregnancy I had been terrified of having a c-section. My worst fear was about to come true whether I liked it or not. There was only one person allowed to go in the room with me and that was my mom.

I was thirsty, my throat was so dry and I was begging for an ice chip. They wouldn’t let me eat anything or drink anything. So I was starving and dying of thirst.

They gave me a very high dose through my epidural line. They pumped me so full of drugs that I was literally shaking uncontrollably. They strapped my arms down to the table, it was like I was being crucified, in the shape of a cross. Then they started the procedure.

It didn’t take long, the whole time I was just waiting to hear a baby cry and it seemed  like the longest wait ever.

I felt and enormous amount of pressure on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t what I expected. I expected to feel pressure on my stomach but I felt like I was about to throw up the entire time and almost did. It felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest . The whole operating table was literally rocking back and forth from the doctor tugging hard trying to get my baby Evan out. He was stuck pretty bad.

Then I saw them carry my baby over to a table to clean him off. He was bruised and cut from being stuck. His forehead was badly swollen and he looked like he had been beat up. I waited, but still I didn’t hear him cry. It took them a few minutes to get him to cry. It almost seemed like it took longer to sew me up than it did to get him out.

By that point, all I wanted to do was hold him and see what he looked like after 9 months of waiting.

He was born at 5:45 pm and I had been in labor a whole day — but it was worth it.

 The paternity test confirmed that Justin was Evan’s father. Justin was also only 14 when our son was born. We actually got two DNA tests done because his grandmother didn’t believe the first one. She told me that Evan wasn’t Justin’s because God sent her a dream, and told her that he wasn’t.

The test didn’t change much. Justin is still not around and he’s in and out of rehab or juvie. Maybe one day he will grow up or at least I hope so. 

But I met the man who is now my husband when Evan was 4 months old. He loves my son just as if he were his own and I am now 5 months pregnant with our little girl!

I will be 16 years old, with two kids. It can be hard and scary at times, but I know I can do it.

Pregnancy has made me very pro life. “I witnessed my best friend go through an abortion. It affected her so deeply that it changed who she was. “So I try to do my best in helping young girls not to choose abortion. By sharing my story, and  how I did it I’m telling them — they can do it too.

It is hard. The hardest part for me was and is the loss of my childhood.

I got pregnant in the 8th grade. I never really got the chance to be a teenager. I will never get to go to the prom. I will never get to be a kid and live that fun filled carefree teenage life that some people call “the best years of their lives”.

I had a motto for my 8th grade school year —  “being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives, and the only thing that matters is just following your heart,  eventually you’ll finally get it right”. It’s a song I used to listen to by the ataris.

It’s hard and it hurts seeing all my old friends and who they are now and how much fun they are having being crazy kids.

Still, I  wouldn’t change a thing.

 I am pregnant again and I am filled with the same doubts and fears as I was the first time. Only this time I’m more scared because I know exactly whats going to happen and what I’m about to go through.

But all you can do is move forward and try. And that’s what I’m doing. I am trying to be the best mother and wife I can be. 

I wish people would see me for all that I have done and all that I am trying to do instead of seeing me as just a 16 year old mother of two. I wish they would see a 16 year old mother who is in college and trying to do the best that she can for herself and her family; trying to help as many people as she can along the way.

So that’s my story, one I want to share with other young girls and mothers. You can do it. Don’t let negative stereotypes of teen moms get to you. Do your best to prove them wrong.

My son saved my life, I was going down a bad path and I know that today I would not be in college, not be where I am if it weren’t for him, and my pregnancy at 13.  Girls, your pregnancy doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It won’t ruin your life. It saved mine and gave me the will and the motivation to make something out of myself.