Come and chat with one of our StandupGirls on Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 10:00 to 11:00 PM, and now Sunday from 9:00 to 10:00 PM Eastern Time. This is a great chance to interact and give each other the support we need.
My name is John from Gauteng, South Africa. I got your email address on the standupgirl.com and I thought maybe you could be the right person to talk to.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. Recently we just found out that she is 2 months pregnant which makes me very happy that I'm gonna be a father. The problem is that we knew about pregnancy for a month now but she has not really accepted it and yesterday she told me that she is thinking of abortion. Ok I honestly don't support the idea as I'm already in love with my unborn child. But I kind of feeling selfish as I have already graduated with my degree and am working while she is at her first year at the university .
She cries every day and I don't know what to do. All I know is that if I can let her go for abortion I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. I want to be a father and I'm definitely prepared for that, financially and emotionally.
What can I do to help her accept and be happy with the situation? Please advise.
Kind Regards
John
Dearest John - what a brave man you are! A Stand Up Guy I'd like to call you!
John - right now her hormones are going wild - so the tears may come easier. But may I say that your request to let your baby live is absolutely the bravest and it's the most right thing you could do. It is NOT selfish at all!
Often times after abortion - the relationship between the mother and the father of that baby does not last. There is too much sorrow and pain associated with that memory and a part of you is missing that neither one of the two of you can fill or forget. The only one that would be able to fill that void is that child that lost child.
John - you are taking a stand for your child. You are not 'going to be' a father. You ARE a father. That child inside of her womb at 8 weeks is a completely formed child and right now she is scared. She may think that her schooling and everything will have to be put on hold. Please share with her that that is not true. This child will give her a stronger drive to succeed. Not only will she have you to encourage her, but she will have that precious little baby that she will want to be a success for.
I'd like to show you an amazing photo. It's one of my favorites. This baby is younger than your baby, but I would like you to see with your eyes how developed that sweet child is. This is NOT a graphic photo. I would never do that. Read what it says down the right side of the photo.
http://www.pregnantpause.org/develop/minne.htm
Isn't that amazing? Your baby is further along than this sweet little life.
John - I would be honored to also talk to your girlfriend. If you want, I can share something with you that you can print and share it with her. Tell her how you love her and that you want to be a support to her. Tell her that you have found the best way to be a support, not only to her and your child, but also to the two of you, and that is to stand for life. Here's what I'd like to say to your sweet and frightened girlfriend:
You see, you and I are on a road called life. When we both came to a fork in the road, one road was called "Abortion" and the other "Life". I chose the road of abortion and you still stand at that fork in the road. I am able to come back to you from that road and say "Please don't take this road. Do you see that bend on the road ahead? There is nothing but sorrow, grief, pain, guilt and shame around that corner. There is a feeling of loss like no mothers heart can know and the reason that there is a bend in that road is because the ONLY way that you will ever understand it or know it is to walk it. Please ...that road will be the very same for you, so please take the road of life. Tell me what it is like. I so wish I could go down that road instead. But I cannot. It's too late for me and my babies. But it's not for you and yours."
OK - now that that is said, let me go down the road of your life a little bit. Trust me when I say that the choice of abortion is truly a tragic choice. Especially as you learn about the development of babies in the womb. You will NOT be able to get out of your head "What did my baby go through? What did my baby look like? What stage was my baby at when I aborted him/her?"
There are so many times when I just wish that I could hold my little baby in my arms. Just at least once. I wish that I could feel his breath in my hair or even to change my baby’s diaper and see my baby giggle. To see that little toothless smile and to touch my baby’s face. I will never be able to do that. I will never hear "Mommy", I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night and go to look in at my beautiful little baby in his or her crib sleeping like an angel. I will never get to feel the movement of my baby in my womb - and ohh how I long to experience that.
Please know that no baby that I could even have today would replace the 2 beautiful babies that I aborted.
All of this to say - please understand that you have that motherly instinct strong and alive in you right now. Do NOT allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you can just go on with your life as normal after abortion. The world of abortion is a world of shame and it is NOT talked about very openly. Ohhh everyone says it should be legal and it's OK - but how many girls do you hear talking - in passing saying "Oh yea, I had an abortion a couple of days ago. It was a pretty simple procedure." You might hear a girl talking about getting a piercing or a tattoo! But not an abortion. You know? Why? Because it is painful, private and subject of shame. Especially for those of us that have done it.
John - and girlfirnd - NO career is worth the life of your child. You are so lucky to have a man standing by your side, loving you this way. Please don't' allow abortion to destroy that or you.
I'm here any time. OK? Please let me know how you are.
Luv Lisa
Hi Lisa
Thanks for taking your time to respond to my email. I really appreciate it.
After going through your email I felt so much love for my unborn baby and my girlfriend. I read other related stories on standupgirl.com I spoke to my girlfriend about it and we both decided we are going to keep the baby and raised him/her with all the love she/he deserve. Your advice was so helpful and I really wish that your message can reach all parts of the world so that other frightened couples who are caught in the same situation can be aware and make right decision about their lives.
I'm ready to be a father. Believe me I am. Thank you very much
Hi John u are such a brave loving man,your girl is so blessed to have you.i think its just her hormones playing tricks on her,try and make her see that she can study while she has a baby although it will be hectic but it'll be worth it.If she has the abortion she'll risk losing herself emotionally. which she might never forgive herself for doing it.
i wish you all the best Ndumi in Gauteng SA
Jasmine23 says... written by Jasmine23 , July 14, 2009
Hi john... i am glad that you made such a good decision. Your gf is lucky yo have a guy like you and hold on to what you guys have it defnitely is somthing special. Congrats and hope all goes well.
bluegirl14 says... written by bluegirl14 , July 18, 2009
hi john,u r so brave and i know you'll be a great dad!!!
cheried says... written by cheried , July 29, 2009
Hi john im from johannesburg to. Just had my baby girl. She is 11weeks:) you and your gf are makin a great choice. Good luck
werdbaby says... written by werdbaby , August 01, 2009
john if she agrees to have the abortion do not let her. i know this kinda sounds selfish mean by not letting her have the abortion.but if u guys do have the sooner or later u guys will pay for and i do not mean that in a bad way. i am just trying to say that life is full of sacrifices and that is a sacrifice that u guys must make especially your girlfriend after all both of u should have known the consequences of actions and now u just have to live with it. The two of u should just follow your heart and pray.
njulian says... written by njulian , August 06, 2009
Hi john,thats good and ur gal is so lucky to have an understanding guy like you and true u will be a great dad.
LoVeMoNkEy says... written by LoVeMoNkEy , August 09, 2009
thats so sweet. you girl is lucky to have you. just love that child and love her. times may get ruff but thats life.
Khaya N says... written by Khaya N , August 11, 2009
You Go Boy!!!!!!!!!! I think in a situation liek this you need to stand your ground. As much of as choice as she has, you will probably be sparing her a lifetime of regret which some people don;t react too kindly to. I'm expecting my little one,and considering my situation I should be stressed out and thinking of termination also, but instead I'm looking on the bright side. Good luck and I hope you and your girlfriend can sort this one out.
candle says... written by candle , August 18, 2009
hello there now for 1 John dude lyk realy!! you guys hav bn 2geda for 2yrs and a baby has 2b a mutual decision surely u mst respct her desicion n feelings 2wards this. hope you do what is right for u, her and the bundle of joy on the way. remember you are in this 2geda
U knw wat John, the world needs more people lyk u.people who r prepared 2 take responsibility 4 thier actions. i hope ur girlfriend will do de rite thng. terminating the innocent baby's life 4 her own selfish reasons and violeting the baby's right to life is insane.if she abort the baby, i hope she burns in hell. children r God's blessings nd God's blesssing can never b a mistake.
Wow, It's a wonderful thing that you love and care for your child and are wanting to do what you think is the right thing,You should be very proud that you are willing to stand by her side and take care of your child not very many young unmarried fathers are wiling to do that these days all i can really tell you is that pregnacy doesnt always give you best of jugement her hormones are going crazy and shes going to be upset and crying a lot more then befor its something that almost all woman go thru when they are pregnant all you can really do is be their for her,help her and show that you care not only about the baby but her as well You have to remember that she's the one that goes thru everything during the pregnacy as far as taking and protecting her un-born child and she may also be scared as well being pregnant isnt always the simplest thing in the world your jugement isnt always the best shes jsut scared and unsure of her self All I can really advise you is to be their for her,love her,show her that you care and most of all Thank her for giving you such a wonderful gift of a child im not saying that it will always be easy because by no means haveing a child young is not However, the love and care that you show her now will have a big inpact on her I hope that everything works out for you the best way that you want it to Good Luck!
gari15 says... written by gari15 , August 21, 2009
hi john! im hapy bout your decision.. weL, conGrats for having a Baby soOn.. i knOw uR gF Can AcCepT D bAby.. ShEs A moTheR....
TAke cAre
orchid. says... written by orchid. , September 18, 2009
I guess everyone has pretty sumed up everything i had in mind, guys like you, who are ready to take up the responsibilities for not only the pregnancy but the baby that follows are hard to find, for that i respect you. i understand your level of concern at this point, that you gf is in her 1st year at university, but this precious baby is coming and nothing is ever a great enough measure to harm such an innocent beautiful being, yes to her it seems easy enough to have an abortion and move on, but the scars it leaves behind are at an even greater price, this baby is here for a reason. be there for her try to make her realise what a lucky woman she is, she may not see it now, but she must just give it time. stay amazing John. Orchid.
LelevsCebo says... written by LelevsCebo , September 20, 2009
hi john,i really wish every man could be like you, u r a really brave man, gutluck
linell_veruela says... written by Hezekiah , September 20, 2009
John you're a viking. i hope every other is like you. So that girls won't try and think of abortion anymore.
naledi says... written by naledi , September 20, 2009
Heck, most guys out there would tell a woman that they don't want a baby and that their careers, or social lives would be destroyed if a child came. But the truth is that women also experience a setback when children come along so it isn't only the guys. Thank you John for being such a great example for absent fathers and would-be baby-daddies out there who cannot take responsibilty for their actions.
mommyto2girls says... written by mommyto2girls , October 08, 2009
This world needs more men like you!! Congrats on your upcoming arrival. I have two beautiful girls and children will change your world, it will be amazing!
Congrats man, you are the happiest man in the would and your girl will feel the same in 6 months of her pragnency. It's just her hormones playing with her. God bless you there are not many men out there like you.
rungano says... written by rungano , October 20, 2009
Hi John,
Honestly,am short of words you are such a wonderful man may our good God bless you. You know what when we ladies fall pregnant we think a lot of things like, what if my man just wake up one day and change his mind.
My fiance used to talk like the way u do and i used to behave like the same way ur girlfriend is behaving but now i changed coz i know that he really loves me.
I wish i could talk to ur girlfriend. You know what just have enough time to convince her not to abort please, i wish all men were like you. John , like i said be4 that am short of words but don't loose hope and allow people from stand upgirl to call her please, they do help. Wish u the best.
SAgirl says... Convince her to come on this site and read all the comments written by SAgirl , November 03, 2009
Hi John,
I stay in JHB, South Afirca. About two years ago I fell pregnant with my first child. My current boyfriend at that stage was not as supportive as you are being right now. Regardless, I was so happy to become a mother. I was 9 weeks pregnant when doctors told me that my baby is serverly deformed and that abortion is the only option. I am married now to a man that loves me but my abortion still haunts me everday and I still struggle to forget at times.
My only real advice is to show your gf all these comments and advice that these ladies have given you. Woman tend to listen to other woman more. Especially if they have been there and done that. I hope that she decides to keep the baby because children are such a beautiful gift from God.
Regards, SA Girl
MAHLATSE says... written by MAHLATSE , November 05, 2009
Hi JOHN, I wish all men were like you, you are such a wonderful guy. May the good Lord bless you.
I'm 9 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend told me to do abortion but i won't do it.
JessicaWood says... written by JessicaWood , November 05, 2009
wow your such a smart guy! you are my hero!
CHRiiSTA says... written by CHRiiSTA , November 06, 2009
AWWIE, NOT MANY GUYS WOULD OF ASKED FOR A GIRL NOT TO GET AN ABORTION, MOST OF THE GUYS I KNOW WOULD HAVE BEGGED FOR AN ABORTION WHICH I THINK IS SO WRONG!!!!! - I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU!!!:) AND WISH THAT THERE WERE MORE GUYS LIKE YOU IN THE WORLD, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, YOUR GIRL FRIEND, AND YOUR BABY
misshap says... written by misshap , November 06, 2009
i think that what you are doing is the right thing. if your girlfriend gets an abortion she will regret it for the rest of her life. well i am pleased that you decided to write in. I hope it all goes well with your new family.
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"It sounds strange for me to be saying this, but I've come around to the idea that sex really is for procreation." 
i wish you all the best
Ndumi in Gauteng SA