hi guys,

my name is Amy.

i live in a small town isolated where everybody knows everybody

so you'll understand thats why i met my boyfriend on the internet.

abit of a joke really, we don't usually tell people where we met.

Runescape. a popular online adventure game set in the midi evil times.

i didnt like it for that, i liked it for the

fact that you could talk to people from all around the world instantaneously, it amazed me. i, had only just gotten a computer for a presant that xmas.

my waaay over controlling boyfriend at the time pressured me into playing.

just like he read threw my txts all the time and checkd my e mails, and growled at me for everything. talking to a guy was cheating to him and he always threatined to kill himself. anyway, enough about that.

when i met my now current boyfriend. something just clicked.

yes girls, just like those 'too good to be true' scenes out of movies. it really does happen!.

as silly as it may seem to some people that believe real love is only felt when you're with someone. so anyway we got talking and that grew and grew and grew and we were the best of friends. he eventually gave me the confidence to break up with my boyfriend which i had been to scared to do for about a year. not long after that he asked me out, and i said yes.

then we started talking on the phone, and then the webcam, and then, i finally got to meet him in real life!. i invited him to my ball. and then before i knew it he had to go. 5 days had never gone past so fast in my whole life. it felt like part of me was getting ripped away. he was now my rock. i needed him.

long distance relationships have something non distant relationships don't, the appreciativeness of the presence of the one you love. we take nothing for granted and make the most of everything in the short time we do have together, even just looking into each others eyes, is the best thing in the world.

50 days after that i got to go up and see him, this time it was 3 weeks with him. i was on the pill, sure, i missed a few. sometimes two in a row.

i new i had to take them but in the back of my mind it always seemed wrong, just like using a condom.

i tried so hard to stop myself thinking like this but i couldent. and then 2 long weeks after i got ripped away from him again i had a suspected miscarriage. till this day right now it is still not resolved. whether its the poor efforts of the doctors, just trying to convince me it was just a "bad period" i know deep down that wasn't a period, i know what a period is. a period could never hurt enough to knock you out. and i know periods dont have white clots.

but, having this unresolved is beginning to have a burden on my heart. it hurts. i wana know. and either way every time i see some one else my age pregnant. it hurts.

i want the doctor to say "yes it seems you were pregnant" atleast i would know i was, and that i had a tiny human inside of me that me and the one i love made together.

ive tried to wait, but i just cant!

i wana have that chance again, i would do whatever it takes.

it makes me feel complete

i want to be complete.