Finding the Right Guy is Hard

Written by Bri

Sisters

Experience is one way to learn from mistakes, but a much less painful way is to listen to the advice of someone you trust.  My dad often tried to drill some dating standards into my head, but when I was in High School I didn't think he could possibly know what I was going through...

Finding the right guy is hard!  Sure, it's easy when you're cruising the mall, smoothie in hand, to find a boy that makes your heart race, but what then?  If you manage to talk to him, how do you know if he's the kind of guy who'll treat you right or if he's just in it for sex?   What's a good basis for a relationship?  Should you be friends first? What happens if the guy is already your friend?  Will it change things?  If you break up will it ruin the good thing you have established?  Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Before I met my husband I dated 16 guys.  To some people that might sound like a lot, to some people that might only be a splash in the bucket.  If I had known then what I know now, though, that number would be a whole lot lower.  Experience is one way to learn from mistakes, but a much less painful way is to listen to the advice of someone you trust.  My dad often tried to drill some dating standards into my head but when I was in High School, I didn't think he could possibly know what I was going through.    Still, he brought up these three points to me frequently and as I've gotten older I see how right he was.

1.  Watch how a man treats his grandma, mom and sister.

If the boy you like calls his mom rude names, punches his sister when she interrupts him, or badmouths his grandma, eventually he will treat you the same way.  Don't think that  you are going to be the exception to this rule.  It's really hard when you like a guy to walk away from a relationship before you've even given it a chance but trust me, this is a  HUGE red flag.  You deserve a man who is respectful of women and if he can't respect the most important women in his life he is not going to respect you.

My sister Sarah married an amazing man.  He's very loving toward his mom and aunts and she never heard him say a rude word about either.  She saw how he treated them before they got married and he treats her the same way.  He's never called her stupid, put her down, or criticized the way she looks.  How a man treats the women in his life is the best indicator of how he will treat you down the road.  I am so thankful that my sister found him.

2.  Do not date someone who does not have a demonstrated ability to have and keep a job/keep up with school work.

I know, I know, this seems picky but you need to be picky!  If you date someone for long enough there's a chance you'll end up marrying him and do you want to have to work three jobs to pay your rent every month?  I didn't think so!  A good work/school ethic also means that a boy is going to be more likely to help you with dishes and laundry in the future.  Even if you don't plan on marrying every guy you date, if you get in the habit of dating guys with good qualities you'll be setting yourself up for a happier future.

When I was pregnant last year I had to go on bed rest for 11 weeks.  During that time, my husband, Jeff, had to cook, clean, do all the laundry, pay all the bills, buy all our groceries and keep his full time job.  Can you imagine what a disaster it would have been if he was the kind of guy who sat on his rear all day?  Our lives would have fallen apart.

When we were in college together Jeff hardly ever missed a class and he had a part-time job at the mall that he never missed.  I saw then that he could manage his time well and so when things got tough in our marriage he really came through for me.

3.  If he hits you, get out.

This may be the biggest red flag of all.  I'm sure you've heard this a dozen times but if someone hits you once they will probably hit you again.  People can get help and people can change but it takes a long while and you should not stay with someone who abused you while they're trying to turn their life around.  Chris Brown and Rhianna were all over the news when he hit her a few months ago and everyone from Dr. Phil to Kanye West weighed in on the subject by saying that she needed to get out of that situation.

These are just three rules out of dozens that are useful to keep in mind.  You might be thinking to yourself that when you date someone it's just for fun and you aren't planning on marrying every single one of these guys.  That may be true, but when you start down a certain path sometimes it's hard to get yourself turned around.  Your best bet for a happy future is to get yourself in the habit of making good choices now.

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Comments (9)

roxyfloydjack says...
written by roxyfloydjack , August 26, 2009

very very true

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milanelle says...
written by milanelle , September 02, 2009

hi there.. you're absolutely right.. while i was reading your letter, i was already teary eyed here in my room, alone.. why? because all of those rules that your father taught you, are the rules that i left aside for someone i thought will be my husband forever.. i will compose my own story too.. thank you for an inspiring letter.. i appreciate it sooooo much and honestly, it helps me a lot,..

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Blossom says...
written by Blossom , September 04, 2009

Absolutely true

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rhianne says...
written by rhianne , September 10, 2009

im rhianne i really nead a companion, im still studying, and i think im pregnant. im not yet ready to commit. i cry everynight wishing it was a false alarm. i dont know what to do.it gets harder to deal with life everyday.

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babylipscomb says...
written by babylipscomb , November 23, 2009

ITS ALL TRUE. i think girls of all ages, all over the world should read and follow these.

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...
written by xJosiax , January 10, 2010

My dad used to say the same thing to me. Until i went throuh a string of losers and fell pregnant to one i realised i had to set the bar higher. So i did and i found someone who possessed all the qualities you listed and i have never felt so lucky, blessed and happy. He helps around the house, he cooks dinner, he'd work two jobs if he had to, he never swears or puts me down. He loves his mum and adores her. Follow these rules girls and you'll find someone worthy of you.

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true
written by kbug , March 12, 2010

this i so true i just got out of a horrible relationship about two months ago.

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Yeah it is hard
written by JoGood , May 17, 2010

I would like to share with you all. I hope it will inspire you to love and love again.
http://aristokeptic.blogspot.com/2010/05/winning-womans-heart-should-never-be.html

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plz help me
written by acceptance , May 31, 2010

hi,you are definitely right but it is too late for me,i got a son and his two months old..i have no other option but to marry my boyfriend...my parents dont want me to be a single mother because i am still a student and i have three more years left to graduate...my boyfriend is the only one who is supporting my baby financially...what i have noticed when he first took me to their home was that he swored and talked back to his parents,he sometimes do that to me ...he had punched me twice ..the last time he punched me was last week...and imagine i have to go to college with a black eye coz i dnt want to miss class...i really dont know what to do...my baby is at home with my parents and i didn't go home to see him because of my black eye so i stayed at school during the weekend.....and now i'm still confuse ..i want to leave him but whose gonna look after baby..my parents have to look after my three siblings... attending primary school....

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