Dear Mariposa
Written by aka Mariposa
Highlights
Dear Mariposa,
I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I wouldn't blame you if you hate me but I know you don't. I know you forgave me. Although I took your life, I feel as if you have never left my side, as though you console me every time you saw me cry.
I was only 18 with a babe in the arms and one on the way. The nurse told me I was selfish to keep your older brother just a few years earlier. She said, I was just 15 - to young to be a mother. At 18 there again, with you, I was pregnant with another. Planned Parenthood had told me I was a burden on society that I was the kind to drain the system clean, a parasite, if you know what I mean.
Incapable to provide for you and your brother, I was a child bride in the mist of divorce. I wasn't yet a woman, I was just your mother. So confused, I was trying to do what I thought most right. *BUT I was the one who should have fought for your life*. When you came along, I was scared inside and I had begun to believe all-of-their-lies.
You could have had your own dreams; the college of your choice; maybe you would have changed the world. Abortion, they call it freedom of choice but what they didn't say is the pain from abortion never goes away. Therefore, it's not freedom, it's bondage in a hidden way. (I love you babe.)
Now 24 years later your brother just graduated with a Masters degree from NYU. He's an actor with dreams. With the Lord's help, they will come true. By letting him live, I gave him a chance to show world what he can do. I pray he will become famous and tell the world about you. (Maybe your life can save another. I want this for you because I am your mother.)
You have two younger sisters Felina (21) and Nicole (19). The three of them stand together like a rope made of solid gold. They give each other strength and they have each other's backs. The girls are women of grace and women of tact. The oldest one is now a new bride herself. Both of the girls want to be Doctor's, PhDs; to help women like me when I was pregnant with you. Since I let them live, maybe their dreams will come true.
*I won't say it was easy to raise those three kids but it would have been easier if I had let you live.* My soul was tormented from the first moment you were torn from by body. Why was I afraid to let you be borne. From the beginning not a day went by that I didn't dread life. I stayed alive for the living (the other kids) but really I was just waiting to die. For many years, I grieved and cried but because of the shame I had to hide it on the inside. I question myself, how could I have believed all those lies? I had committed what I thought was the unforgivable sin. I had no future because heaven doesn't' let sinners come in.
I was ashamed of my action so I hide what I did to you from them until they were no longer kids. Then when they each turned 18, I taught them what abortion really means. Each of them has had to take time to really grieve for pain and the mistake that was mine. They love you baby girl even more than they know. You are one of them and I had no right to take away all of your choices throughout all of your life; nor all of your siblings. No one has that right! You got no prom, no wedding, no graduation, not even first grade. I wonder if I'd let you live would you have given me my first grand kid.
Every mother wants what is best for their child. Nice clothes, fun games, and a happy smile. But what I took from you was more than that; I took your siblings; your uncles; your grandparents; and aunts. All of them forgave me but that isn't enough to bring back the life that I ultimately took. I love you babe.
I call you Mariposa because now I see how I was tricked into believing you weren't real to me. Just like I don't look as I did at 15, a child doesn't look the way it does in the womb as it does when it's three. Mariposa means Butterfly. It's symbolic of transformation just like when Jesus died. He rose again from the tomb. Jesus, he died for me and he died for you. Transformation means we change from the womb to the tomb AND because of Jesus' sacrifice for us, we will rise again like butterflies flying toward heavenly skies.
I know you are not lost because the bible says that if I follow God at all cost; my children will be saved for a thousand generations. I will do what God says and I will keep his commands because I know you are not dead, you are the next generation.
In all these years, I could not have made it through except that Jesus healed me and let me know he is fathering you too. I thought I couldn't be forgiven. I thought murder was the unforgivable sin. So I stayed away from Church too because I didn't think they let condemned sinners in.
God looked into my heart, he took pity on me, and in an act of Grace, he made a miracle happen and took me to a priest. As we sat face to face, I told him about you and then he said. I'd been forgiven and the tears in my eyes were my act of perfect contrition.
The day I took your life, was my first day in hell! Years, I stay there until; my first confession. That was the day I took "OUR" first steps toward heaven. I felt JOY like never before. I knew Jesus was in my heart and I wanted more. I was given absolution by the priest who sat there. I didn't know what absolution meant and I didn't care but I felt the scars lifting from my heart, mind, body, and soul. It was extraordinary, I no longer felt old. I was made 15 years younger in a matter of moments; the number of years between abortion and absolution. I had been hiding from God and searching for him too. With absolution I experience the scarlessness of the soul therefore, God had given me proof that he was real too. I was more than grateful that Jesus died to forgive a sinner like me. Through his grace and sacrifice he gave you a second chance too.
We celebrate your life because YOU ARE REAL. I thank God for the gift he gave to me through you. So I will always do the best I can do. One day, I will walk in heaven with you, Jesus, my mother, father and brother too. I love you baby girl and I am sorry I was mistaken. Mariposa is the name for the life I have taken. I claim this name too because I too have transformed, I will never again, kill the unborn.
I love you Mariposa;
Love Mom
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written by lilredheed , February 07, 2009
written by micky526603 , February 13, 2009
Shauna Jahne'
written by beautifullyblind , February 15, 2009
written by lisa , February 16, 2009
The sweet comment that came from "Lilredheed" ... please take it from one of many girls on this site where Jesus Christ has made a difference in her life. He IS truly real and He can change your life too. Just ask Him into your heart today. Just believe and ask. That's all you have to do. Leave the rest to Him.
Luv Lisa
written by lianamutombu , February 17, 2009
written by Babygirl052009 , February 20, 2009
written by Stupid_Girl , February 21, 2009
I am very glad that you have found your salvation and self forgiveness, hopefully some day I will be able to find mine too.
Blessed be,
Evangeline xoxo
written by Ania1231 , March 11, 2009
written by kkarli , April 03, 2009
written by Charlie1027 , April 14, 2009
written by djlawrence05 , April 17, 2009
written by Sberry , October 30, 2009
written by germaine , November 10, 2009
I have 4 children ages 16,13,12,6 and now I am 8 wks pregnant, my husband is pushing me for an abortion wich I really dont want.
And now since I am reading all yall story's especially yours I wont have the abortion my husband pushing me to get.
Thank you
much love
Germaine
written by Sarahf3 , May 18, 2010
Good luck for the future for you and your beautiful children.